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While divorce rates rise and marriage fall apart on a daily basis, an outside observer of swinging might think that it helps to cause marriage crises. This is certainly not the case. Swinging, through numerous individual interviews and case studies, has been shown to help strong marriages become even stronger.
Strength in numbers?
When you talk to an experienced swinger, you will find that they didn’t want to try swinging for the sex, but for the experience. Their marriages may have been plenty strong going into the whole adventure, but one or both of the partners just wanted a little something different and new. They didn’t love each other any less, but rather, they wanted to add another dimension to their relationship. And by making the decision together, they created a way to communicate with each other more openly and honestly, leading to overall better communication skills (outside sexual matters).
Why swinging isn’t cheating
One of the main concerns that couples struggle with is their mindset of thinking that swinging is cheating on their partner in some way. And this can be a deterrent for a while to act upon this fantasy. What makes swinging different from cheating is that the two of you have decided to share this experience together. There’s nothing secretive about being with this other person. You know exactly what your partner is doing and you’ve talked about why. You’re hoping to share this new adventure with your partner-together. And this is why being open will make swinging even better for the both of you.
Saving a weak marriage
A counselor is the best way to save a weak marriage, not swinging. If you are having insecurities about your relationship, or just aren’t communicating as well, swinging is not a good fix. Swinging is best experienced by a couple that us able to talk to each other and share with each other. And if problems should come up in the swinging process, then the couple must be able to work through them. And weak marriages are usually a sign of not being able to talk through certain issues.
Don’t complicate your relationship more. Work things out with each other before you add swinging to the already volatile mix. Swinging can provide just the ‘kick’ that your strong marriage needs, but it will not solve problems that are already present. If you’re able to work through issues as a couple and just want to experience more in the area of sex and fantasy, then swinging could be the answer to your dreams.
And there are plenty of places to research swinging. Bookstores so carry books on swinging and your local sex shops can direct you to local connections. Online swinging dating sites and other information sites can also answer any questions that you might have.
Start the open and frank discussions now to enjoy swinging in every way that you can. Doing the research together may also lead to some fun on your own.

Technorati tags: swinging marriage each through just

Some of the advice given out by various relationship experts does not work. Some of us have found ourselves apparently ‘failing’ to follow their advice and then wondering, ‘What am I doing wrong’. But, it is the advice which is flawed not us.
Often the advice makes a basic assumption about human nature that I believe misses the point. If the basic assumption is wrong then the advice won’t work; no matter how clever, insightful or helpful it may seem.
A lot of advice I’ve come across makes the assumption that what blocks people creating good relationships is lack confidence of some kind. While there is some truth in this, the advice goes astray after that. They assume this is down to some kind of ‘fear’, or ‘nervousness’. They assume ’shyness’ is just a form of fear. That is simply not true.
What is behind shyness is not ‘fear’; what is behind shyness is actually ’shame’. Shyness is not a fearful state; it is a ’shame’ state. Shyness is a feeling of low self-worth. Low self-worth will often masquerade as fear, anger, resentment, bitterness and so on. When that is the case than trying to tackle those issues head on (i.e. a fearful or angry attitude) does not work.
Trying to handle the ‘apparent’ issues head on can actually do damage, because we can end up ‘failing’ and our sense of self-worth sinks even lower.
Let me give you an example from the male world. This is the advice given by one notable expert (who usually gives good advice) in order to overcome ‘fear around women’. He suggests that men go to their local shopping mall and walk up to every attractive woman that they see and (after talking to her for a few minutes) ask for her phone number.
This advice will either sound appallingly simple, or simply appalling, depending on whether you are a shy guy, or not. This is supposed to help men ‘get over fear’. However, many shy guys will read this advice and know that they just cannot do it. Their low sense of self-worth will kick in, fill them with anxiety, and block them. Or, they may try it and crash and burn.
They have just been told that ‘fear’ is the root of their problem. It sure looks like fear is the problem because they feel intensely anxious even thinking about acting on the advice, never mind making any moves to try it. They then quietly assume that they are a ‘coward’, or something, for not being able to get over their supposed fear. They end up feeling really bad about themselves.
The presence of anxiety does not mean fear is the problem! The feeling of anxiety is just a ‘warning light’ that there is something deeper. It is a sign that part of us is feeling threatened and needs protection. And, maybe it is right! Maybe we ought to listen to it and find out…
Anxiety is actually a form of wisdom. Rather than trying to bludgeon our way through it, or try and ignore it, we need to work with it a bit.
One way to manage a situation we find fearful is by using our imagination to work on it before trying it for real.
Start:
imagine yourself in the situation
accept any fearful / anxious feelings which come up - without trying to make them go away.
notice if there are any feelings of shame, or feelings of being undeserving of what you want, or that you don’t have a right to succeed.
ask yourself if there are things you need to do to feel both less fearful and more deserving. (Don’t worry if you draw a blank at first).
imagine the possibility that you could find a good way of handling the situation. Does that help? If not, ask yourself if there is another way to achieve the results you want.
how will you feel when you can handle the situation the way you would like to? How will your life be different?
Take a couple of deep breaths and go back to the ‘Start’. Go around the loop a few times to see what that does to help you overcome your fear and your sense of shame / shyness.
In doing this, you may find that the process seems to go nowhere; or you may find that your fear goes away, you feel great about yourself and you know just what to do next. Most of us will experience something in between these two extremes.
In doing this you are creating a healthier relationship with yourself - no matter what the outcome. You are giving a subtle message to your inner self that you want to work with it rather than fighting with yourself. If you use it a number of times, this process will allow you to tap into your own wisdom and build your sense of self-esteem. This in turn will help you feel better about yourself and lead you to feel more confidence and far less fear or anxiety in social situations.
In this way you can overcome shame and its symptoms of fear, anxiety and lack of confidence. In this way you can overcome the real problem.

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Technorati tags: advice fear anxiety feel yourself

Loving someone and being loved in return, along with good health and financial independence, are among the things that people most desire to have in their lives. Being in a loving relationship makes us feel happy, safe and secure.
Love gives us a sense of achievement and enables us to balance the stresses and strains in our lives with the knowledge that there’s someone there to offer support in times of crisis and share those moments of happiness.
Life couldn’t get any better…
….then things may start to get a little shaky.
If you’ve reached the stage of consulting a relationship coach or counsellor, you’re probably at the stage where reality has bitten!
Whether it’s just nipped at your ankles or laid into your thigh with a big, toothy munch, you are experiencing some sort of uncertainty, stress or crisis in your relationship.
You may have lost that loving feeling. You may have started to question what you see in your partner. You flit between loving them and loathing them. One minute you want to be with them, the next minute you wish you were miles apart. You’re confused and puzzled as to why suddenly, it all seems to have gone wrong.
The reason is because love is not enough.
That’s right. You read it correctly.
“LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH!”
It doesn’t matter what the Beatles or thousands of other musicians have sung. The true facts of life is that, while love is a very important part of a relationship, without other things, all you’ll ever have is a dream which never quite comes true.
To help bolster and boost love, you need trust, respect, fidelity, passion and focus in your relationship. Without these, all you will ever have is a two-dimensional love affair.
Here’s another reason why love is not enough:
Back in 1943, US psychologist and academic Abraham Maslow wrote a paper entitled A Theory of Human Motivation, in which he outlined his now famous Hierarchy of Human Needs. These needs are normally represented as a pyramid. From the bottom up, they are:
-Physiological: the need for adequate food and drink, air in our lungs and a good night’s sleep.
-Safety: the need to feel secure in our homes and in our community.
-Love/Belonging: the need to have sexual and non-sexual relationships, to start a family or join clubs, gangs, religious or community groups,
-Esteem: the need for self-respect and to be recognized and respected by others.
-Self-Actualization: the need for human beings to make the most of their unique abilities, e.g. a journalist must write to be truly happy with himself.
Your physiological needs are the most important by a wide margin. They control your thoughts and behaviour and can trigger feelings of discomfort, pain and illness.
Let’s say your income doesn’t cover your mortgage payments. Because of this, you’re not eating well, you’re stressed out and are constantly tired.
The last thing on your mind would be to service the needs of your relationship - unless of course, your partner can help you get out of the situation. That said, although your partner’s support takes care of one of your needs, their assistance may clash with two of your other needs: the need for esteem and self-actualization.
This may explain why some people in relationships react badly when you offer them help. You believe you’re trying to help, while they’re too proud to accept what they believe is charity. They don’t want to diminish their standing in your eyes. But perhaps more importantly, they don’t want to diminish themselves in their own mind. Does this describe someone close to you. I mean really close?
In addition to getting affection from people close to us, we also crave acceptance from specific groups, including private members’ clubs, religious movements, campaigning organizations and amateur dramatics societies.
Without these things in our lives, we may become prone to social anxiety and feelings of loneliness.
We also feel the need to do something for ourselves. We may be teachers, lawyers, secretaries, doctors, social workers, accountants, administrative workers, bar tenders, company directors or secretaries who like restoring old cars, hill walking, pigeon fancying, body building, jogging, stamp collecting, micro-lighting or DIY.
Whatever we’re in to, we need to be given the space and support from our partners to do these things, even if this means excluding them from those activities. The things that we do in our ‘me time’ fulfill our need for esteem and self-actualization.
So, the message is, that it’s only after we’ve been fed and watered, that the need to feel loved and accepted by our partners and friends kicks in. From now on, make sure you eat healthily and sleep well. It may seriously affect your relationship!
It also puts into perspective the misconception that your lover, child or friend is the most important thing in your life.
You are!

Technorati tags: things love relationship youre loving

For casual ceremonies, the sky is really the limit as to style.
But most weddings follow a certain set of formalities in their
invitations. Here is a template for a normal wedding invitation:

Mr. and Mrs. John Doe
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Kathryn Marie
and
Mr. James Henry Smith
on Saturday, the tenth of July
two thousand and five
at seven o’clock
First Baptist Church
222 Ellerbe Road
Paris, Texas

As for a formal wedding template, there are some rules of wording
that are appropriate:

1. Spell out every word, even the date and year. Street, not St.
Road, not Rd.
2. Use Roman numerals in titles, such as David Kenneth Williams
III. Do not use “3rd” or “third”.
3. For weddings in a church, say “request the honour of your
presence”. For non-religious weddings, say “request the pleasure
of your company”.
4. Write out full names. Do not use initials.

You can copy and paste this template onto your word processor for
easy guidance:

(the name of bride’s parents/parent)
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
(the name of bride)
to
(the name of groom)
on (weekday name),
the (day of month, spelled out) of (month)
at (time, spelled out) o’clock
(name of church or building)
(address of church/building)
(city, state of ceremony)

Optional:

Reception Immediately Following
At
(name of location)

Directions to the reception hall can be given at the wedding or
on a separate card in the invitation envelope.

Technorati tags: weddings template wedding honour church

At least once a month one of my clients comes into my office
upset about how her date went the previous weekend. Either
she feels she did something wrong or worries that the guy
didn’t seem to be too interested in her. For the next 45
minutes we dissect the evening in question and I offer
suggestions on how to salvage a second date or I
congratulate her on discovering that he wasn’t worth another
chance.

Many times though the problem lies with my client not
understanding the purpose of a first date. Too often women
(and men) concentrate on such things has compatibility,
attraction and past relationship history. All of these
things are important but not for a first encounter. They are
too in-depth for a casual get-to-know-you conversation. The
only thing a woman really needs to be concerned with is
conveying her femininity.
This is the easiest and most reliable way toward making a
good first impression. The three keys to a great first date
are; wear a dress, smile often and allow him to speak first
at the start of the date. Those three things will make him
feel masculine and he will naturally find you more
attractive because the first date is about being a girl, not
revealing everything about yourself.

If those suggestions seem silly or sexist then I am afraid
you don’t understand men. Men like women in dresses because
it radiates softness making a man want to hold and cuddle
her. Smiling at him always makes him feel more attractive.
Letting him speak first conveys respect which is every man’s
greatest desire, even more than being loved.
Show him that you have the ability to be the woman he has
fantasized about and he will beg you for another date Once
you have gone out 3 or more times then you are free to let
him get to know you has an individual. Since you have shown
him that you are every bit a woman, he will be much more
motivated to get to know you as a person.

Technorati tags: first date things woman once

Here are some tips that you can use to add some spark to your couple life. With this romantic getaway tips, they will heat up your romance in no time. You’ll find ideas for romantic escapes ranging from very modest to elaborate.
1. Make Your Home a Hideaway: You are probably thinking that this won’t work, but if you prepare just a little bit, it will be a great success. Schedule your vacation in advance, like if you were leaving home, unplug your phones, and let your friends and family know you are on vacation. Once your “at home” vacation starts, here are some things you may want to include to add to the experience:
- go to the library, pick out a book you both like, and read it out loud to each other while sitting on your back porch, or by the fireplace
- rent a documentary about a foreign city you always wanted to visit, like Paris, and afterwards have dinner at a local restaurant that serves the cuisine you would find in that city
- watch a romantic movie and fall asleep in each other’s arms
2. Seclusion in the Woods: How long has it been since you had time to listen to each other? Weeks? Months? Dare I say, years? If you’ve been deprived of meaningful, relaxed talk for more than a few weeks, a vacation away from everything can be wonderfully romantic. You can rent a cabin, or go camping (if you both enjoy it), and really get to know each other again, both emotionally and physically.
Need some ideas? Here they are:
- build a fire in your cabin, if it has a fireplace, or a bonfire outside (make sure it’s legal!), and roast some marshmallows, which you can feed each other
- go for a long hike, and bring along a blanket so that when you get tired you can lie down in a private area and add some spice to the hike
- make some music together: bring along a guitar or harmonica and serenade each other. Or, if you are not musically inclined, bring along a CD of old favorites and sing along with the music
3. Relax on a Tropical Island: Why are tropical islands romantic? With the sun and tropical breezes on your bare skin, the sunsets by the ocean, coupled with some quality relaxing time it’s impossible not to feel reenergized and more romantic.
While on the island, schedule some pampering for both of you: a nice spa treatment complete with a massage, followed by a glass of quality wine, some chocolates, and whatever else you are inspired to do….
4. Return to Your Honeymoon Hotel: This trip may be even more romantic than the first time you made it.
Now you know each other’s bodies enough to be able to drive your partner wild. And with a treasure trove of memories to share, nostalgia will play a great role in the reenactment of this love story. You may even want to take some new vows: this time design them to protect and rekindle your romance.
You have all tips now. It is your turn to start planning you next romantic getaway!

Technorati tags: each romantic both time along

You may be asking yourself, “What does BBW mean?” BBW stands for a Big Beautiful Woman. And, unless you are brand new to the world of online dating, you have probably heard the phrase before. Over the last few years, many dating sites have started catering specifically to BBW’s and the men/women who admire and want to meet them.
What type of woman would be considered a Big Beautiful Woman? Almost every woman. Contrary to belief, not all BBW women are fat girls. Of course, if you took Hollywood’s definition of a beautiful woman, then anyone over 100 pounds is overweight!
I like to think of her as a beautiful woman who is proud of how God made her. She exudes confidence. She is healthy, but not obsessive. She is a curvy woman who is comfortable with herself and proud of it. Some of the most confident and successful women in Hollywood would be considered BBW’s. Some examples include:
Queen Latifah
The Model Emme
Cybill Shepherd
Kathy Najimy
Kirstie Alley
Camryn Manheim
Megan Mullaly
Delta Burke
Oprah Winfrey
Jennifer Lopez
The late Marilyn Monroe
As you can see from the list above, many of the women are by no means fat. That is the point. A BBW woman is a woman who looks like she should. Marilyn Monroe was, and in some circles, still is the sexiest woman who ever lived. However, she was a voluptuous woman, who by today’s standard might be considered overweight.
This is why BBW dating sites have flourished. Many men are tired of women looking like brooms with long hair. Men naturally like and want curves. Why do you think Jennifer Lopez is considered one of the sexiest women in the world? Because of her curves. It’s time women were celebrated for who they are. If you are a single Big Beautiful Woman, log on to the Internet and explore the many BBW Dating Sites the web has to offer. You’ll be surprised at how many men are looking for someone just like you.

Technorati tags: woman women beautiful like dating

“Lose the Losers” is one of the best dating tips for a successful relationship. The phrase sounds crass and cruel. After all, we’re taught that every individual has value, and that’s true. But this is different. This is dating. This is your relationship and your life. You don’t owe your dates anything more than courtesy and kindness. You don’t owe them a second date. You certainly don’t owe them sex-ever.

Moreover, when we say “Losers” we mean losers as in losers and keepers, not losers and winners. In dating, there are dates who are keepers - at least until they disappoint you. The rest are losers. The losers are people who may be wonderful human beings. They’re just not right for you. In some ways, dating is like fishing: some you keep, the rest you throw back.

When men and women start dating someone new, they often develop a feeling of obligation to the other person. If the date was polite and considerate, many women will fell that they owe the man another date. If he’s created an elaborate, expensive or romantic date, many women feel obligated to have sex with a man. Especially if it’s the second or third date, and the man has spent a significant amount of money on the dates.

That’s faulty thinking that gets people into trouble. There are many good reasons to continue seeing someone new, but obligation is not one of them. You don’t have to continue dating someone you have no attraction for. To be really happy, however, you do have to be true to yourself. Being true to yourself means being in a relationship only with someone you admire and respect. If a man meets your requirements and needs, keep him. If he doesn’t, he’s a dating loser. Throw him back for someone else to catch, and keep looking. Remember, a loser is not a bad person. Someone out there will fall in love with him and even marry him. The loser is someone who is just not Mr. Right for you.

Whether it’s the very first date, or the second, or the third, decide minute by minute, hour by hour, if this relationship is working so far. A man is a keeper on every single date until something happens to make him a throwback. You’re just dating. You are not in the commitment stage. A man is a throwback at any point that he no longer meets your expectations for a long-term relationship.

If you want to create that perfect relationship for yourself, get yourself a keeper. The way to find a keeper is to lose the losers. Be choosy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dr. Alan Stafford, Relationship Results Coach
I help Singles and Couples build relationships that work
www.relationshipsuccessexperts.com

Click here to ask Alan a question
about your biggest relationship issue
http://relationshipsuccessexperts.com/askalan.htm

Get our free newsletter for relationship tips and advice
http://relationshipsuccessexperts.com/subscribe.html
andcopy; 2005 Alan Stafford/Relationship Success Experts
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Technorati tags: relationship someone dating date dont

We are often asked for help in finding a woman’s g spot. To support you around this, we’ve created a simple, easy exercise that takes about an hour. Be sure to try it when you have space and time to do it fully.
You’ll notice that much of this exercise deals with the time and set up BEFORE you actually try to find the g-spot. This is intentional. It is so important that a loving, intimate space be created. It is only through this that your lover’s g spot will come “out to play”. (if you’re old pro’s - we’re assuming you already have your own short-hand around all this, so we’ve written this for beginners, though there are likely tips here that you will also find useful)
Time Needed: Approximately 1-1.5 hours, preferably in the late evening, an hour or two after dinner
Steps to Prepare:
1) try to sleep well the night before and eat well the day you plan to do the exercise. being well rested and “clear” in your energy is helpful
2) plan to have a light healthy dinner, and don’t eat until you are full. We want you both to have light, clear energy and eating a large complex dinner can work against this
3) after dinner, set your partner up to enjoy a nice drink, good music, a book, etc. for about an hour. If at all possible, I recommend running a bath for your partner, so she can feel pampered, be opened up by the warmth, and feel clean and ready for what’s in store.
4) during this time (while she’s in the bath, or quietly reading, etc.) excuse yourself to do final preparation to your play space (you could have also done this earlier … its just important, if possible, to set this up without her having seen it - so it feels like you’ve created a special sacred place for her)
5) some helpful things for setting up a sacred space: candles, incense, special sheets/pillows, sexy mood music, massage oil, lube, etc. Also, set up the area where you’ll be working with your partner - it could be on your bed, on a massage table, on cushions on the floor, etc.
6) change into loose, lightweight clothing (or even a bathrobe, sarong, or a towel) - really anything that you will be comfortable moving around and doing massage in
7) if you can’t do all these steps - don’t worry! just breathe, smile, open your heart and have fun.
Getting Started (5 - 7 minutes):
1) Invite your partner into your play space - and ask her to lie down in the space you’ve set up for her. In attitude and tone - you want to show that you’ve gone out of your way to set up safe, sacred space for her
2) In whatever way you feel its most appropriate, express your appreciation to your partner - thank her for all she does for you, for her loving nature, and for her willingness to share and explore her g-spot with you. It is a rare and intimate gift.
Massaging Your Partner (30 minutes):
1) Massage your partner, slowly and sensually for 10 - 15 minutes on each side. The intention of this is to create intimacy and connection between you, and to further relax your partner. It also helps her open into your touch and become more receptive. Its very important during this massage that you not touch her clitoris or vagina.
2) Long, sensual strokes that include her butt, and breasts are encouraged, as are: kisses to the back of her neck, light sex talk in her ear, nipple biting/blowing, etc.
3) Remember - there is nowhere to go, nothing else to do - just ENJOY. Your partner will enjoy you as you enjoy touching her.
Amping Up the Energy (5-10 minutes):
1) Now that your partner is feeling relaxed (and likely just a touch turned on!) you can begin to entice her further. This could include: kissing, nipple sucking, yoni massage, toe sucking, clitoral stimulation, etc. (I’m sure you get the idea : ) The main thing is to keep taking it SLOW, and don’t go inside her yet. This will likely feel very strange for you if you are used to just touching so you can have sex and orgasm. In this exercise, you are not going to be having sex - and your touch and play is so your woman gets super HOT and AROUSED. Again, do not go inside her yet!
Finding The G-Spot (10 minutes)
1) At this point, we’ll assume your partner is aroused, and hot, and begging for you to be insider her. If this is the case - WELL DONE! If not, continue your play using the above steps until that’s the case
2) Get situated so that you are both comfortable. For this next part you will be inserting your finger’s into her vagina, as well as touching her clitoris. Sometimes you can do this sitting at her side, or you can also kneel between her knee’s.
3) Take time to get yourself comfortable. Talk to your partner, ask her and sort it out. Don’t be shy - you will be in this next position for 20 minutes, and want it to be comfortable - and a few extra minutes now are well worth it
4) Slowly insert your finger’s into your woman’s vagina and massage her from the inside. Play with her shallowly, deeply, at the back wall, in the front wall, etc. Take it slow, use saliva or lube to keep everything wet (you can never have too much lube!), and Enjoy.
5) WOMEN: It is important, during this part of the exercise, that you and your partner be communicating about what you like, what you’d like harder / softer / more of / less of / etc. This is an exercise to LEARN - and your partner needs your feedback and advise to be given verbally and explicitly throughout. Trust us - its worth practicing and pushing through any discomfort you might have.
Stimulating the G-Spot (15 - 20 minutes)
1) Now, its time to begin stimulating the g-spot. Insert a finger (or two), about 2 inches, and then slightly crook them. You want your finger’s facing forward, sorta like you are making the motion of “come here” with your fingers. You’ll be touching the front side of her vagina, with your finger’s wrapped around her pubic bone.
2) From this place, experiment with a variety of pressure - hard, soft, light, etc. We’ve found its often best to start touching as if your finger’s are windshield washers - with a constant pressure, sorta going back and forth
3) [WOMEN: Give your partner feedback about what feel's good, and what doesn't - help them learn how to drive you wild in bed... Its well worth it! You can also experiment with clenching your PC muscle to see if this heightens your sensations]
4) You may feel a particular area which is more rough than other area’s, possibly ribbed or bumpy. This is the g-spot. As you stimulate it, the gspot will often become larger and more present as it get engorged. At this point, some women prefer harder pressure, but most prefer softer pressure (so the opposite of the clitoris)
5) Once you’ve found the gspot, and have a way of touching the area that your partner is enjoying, add in some stimulation to her clitoris. You can also push down with your hand on her pubic bone by placing your palm in the middle of her pubic hair. This accentuates your pressure from inside.
6) A magic combination is to touch the gspot with your index and/or middle finger while stimulating her clitoris with your thumb (good lube helps this greatly). Now, while you are doing this, imagine an arc of electricity going between your fingertips - connecting your thumb and your finger - and arcing through her clitoris and gspot.
7) At some point in this women, you may find you feel like you have to pee. If this happens, don’t worry. Nothing is wrong - just stay relaxed and go with it. (you may be in for a fun surprise and an introduction to female ejaculation!)
8) If you don’t orgasm from this exercise, don’t worry! It’s main purpose was to help you learn more about finding the gspot, how to best stimulate it, and to build intimate connection and trust with your partner. It can often take several repeats of this exercise to start feeling your gspot.
9) [VARIATIONS: try stimulating the gspot during and after orgasm, try different pressure, strokes, angles, etc.. try it with one hand, two hands, you touching the clitoris, while your partner focuses on your gspot, etc. try using a pilllow or two under your butt to change your angle. Most of all - experiment, give feedback to each other, and enjoy yourselves]
Wrapping Up (5 minutes)
1) At some point - either after orgasm, or otherwise - you’ll feel the energy shift and it will be time to wrap the exercise up. At this point slowly and gently place one hand cupped over your partner’s vagina, and one hand open on her heart. Look into her eyes, and take a moment just to be present with each other.
2) Take a moment to breathe together, and enjoy what you’ve just experienced. Use the next 5 minutes to share about your experiences - what you enjoyed, what you most liked, what felt good, etc. Its always important to start with the positive. After this, you can think about what you’ll do differently next time.
And, that folks, is the end of our Guided Exercise for Finding the G-Spot. We hope you’ve found it as helpful as we have.

Technorati tags: partner etc. exercise well feel

Truly Getting Down to the Work that Needs to be Done
The damage of women comes from thousands of years of not being allowed to fully express their sexuality. Over millennia, this has been taken away from women. As we are starting to remove the ugly masks from the demonized and outcast Goddesses, we see there is much more work to be done. In modern times, we have physical proof these images live within women, society and the world at large. If we are truly about to resurrect Goddess worship in modern times, we must first face the ugly reality that the damage is deeply embedded and we ALL play a part in its continued existence, whether consciously or unconsciously.
With Lilith we see how her role as votaress for ancient sex rites in the Middle East was turned into the classic image of the sexy, dangerous vamp. Today, sex-workers, both men and women, are considered an evil and scary part of our society. Yet American culture projects this very thing through ads, TV shows, movies, and other media. The people who embody Lilith’s physical work are feared, castrated and less protected than others. In addition, it’s more likely for a woman to be incarcerated for prostitution than it is for a man. [i] On a more personal level, Lilith is that aspect of equality we cry for. When a woman does decry unfairness, she is cast away or leaves before experiencing the outcome of a situation. This situation can apply to any relationship, where the masculine and feminine are present, not just heterosexual affairs.
Mary Magdalene’s role as a favored disciple and the undeniable historical evidence that links her to priestess work has been diminished by the Catholic Church in an effort to make Peter Yeshua’s most blessed. Thus leading to women’s spiritual roles as meaning nothing and considered unneeded. Her misinterpretation in the role of Christianity has led to the misconception of her being a prostitute among other assumed, negative female roles.
Medusa’s Greek ideal lives in the hearts of our own blood sisters, such as the case with mine. Medusa not only represents negative feminine stereotypes but her hated and terrible form also manifests itself through actual women living out this patriarchal fear. Medusa is that aspect embedded within the hearts of women and the frightening imaginations of men - where it is seen a necessity to cut off her head from behind. Whether it means keeping secrets from a woman, silencing her during an argument or actually murdering her - among a plethora of other possibilities - men take on the Perseus role without even thinking. Demetra George explains it best:
“Men who have not made peace with Medusa in themselves will see feminine sexuality as something that fascinates them, but also the source of their self-undoing. As they try to protect themselves against its frightening power by destroying the monster, they unconsciously incite the Medusa woman in their lives to retaliate by castrating them physically and psychologically. For many of us direct confrontation with this aspect of our being, often unknown and unnamed as it hides in the dark caverns of our psyche, can overwhelm and immobilize us with its raw intensity.
And yet a man who desires a positive relationship to women’s dark moon sexuality must make the descent into his unconscious, listen to the wailing agony of his decapitated Medusa, reach out in sympathy to her pain, heal the wounds of her rejection, and return whole-within-himself to the upper world. After the hero has proved his separation from his mother, he must reestablish a loving relationship to his inner dark feminine. Until he can do this he will remain trapped in the web of destructive sexual relationships.”
In heterosexuality, men who hold an utter fascination with women’s bodies are the same men who hold a cross up in terror when the object of their desire “freaks out.” They begin to label them and start to assume a woman’s next actions in addition to predicting their reactions to certain situations. This causes men to withhold themselves from the woman, thus furthering her despair and longing. A negative cycle has begun or perhaps it is continued. I don’t remember who said this, but it solidified something within my heart when I heard it, “If a man claims to know a woman’s mind, he knows nothing at all.” I can’t describe enough how true this is. I don’t know how this would be for other kinds of sexualities, but if you apply the masculine image and the feminine role, I’m almost certain similar results occur.
These Goddesses also project that aspect from which we castrate ourselves, in fear of facing reality or in being afraid of understanding the darkness presented to us. In rage and aberration, Lilith was forced to marry Adam and then torn from her duties to Innana/Ishtar. Mary Magdalene’s spiritual role was taken from her and her name defamed as a prostitute. Medusa is likewise cut off from Athena, who insists on Medusa’s head for her Aegis. Not only do these stories describe a tear between the relations of women but also how women are robbed of who they are and what they want to express themselves to be.
Women have a love/hate relationship between each other, at least in our society. There’s this catty attitude and a thirst for competition, particularly over money and men, which is unexplainable and quite despicable to me. This is the essence of jealousy . . . someone having something someone else wants because that person cannot find the strength within themselves to appreciate what they have in their own life. Because we are not taught that each person (woman or man) is precious in their own right in addition to social guidelines to adhere and conform to, most grow up with depression issues, psychological and emotional problems and, some, end up with eating disorders.
The one commonality between all these goddesses is the prominence they held at the height of their ancient, revering societies. Lilith was the high priestess and Mary Magdalene was a lady of such stature. Medusa was the Ultimate Great Mother who beheld the mysteries and magical power Lilith and the Magdalene ministered. Their high office ensured the balance of nature, was the hub of the community and permitted the feminine on an equal and reasonable footing with the masculine.
Within the sacred sex rites that we know Lilith, Mary Magdalene and Medusa to be associated with, a woman’s menstruation or moontime was an important part of the process. Today, menstrual blood is not seen as sacred and valued. Women are told to put something in their underwear and just continue their lives as if nothing’s going on. We’re taught to deny our intuitions and, in this kind of alienation, we deny ourselves of the connection with our innermost self.
How do we heal such negativities? Lilith’s statement of freedom and independence was supposedly a warning to women if they tried to exercise such beliefs. They would be castrated from their societies and labeled as a whore. Mary Magdalene’s vision, I believe, is the reason why the Catholic Church doesn’t allow women to be leaders as well as deeming visions heathen work. Additionally, the Church will most certainly consider marriage for priests before they let women become leaders. What about Medusa’s hated image? She was the leader of a group of forceful, powerful, military-type women who were overwrought with patriarchal conquest. The patriarchy’s projected image of the terrible, bitchy woman is something with which to contend.
This deep, dark sexuality represented in the ancient sex rites of the Middle East and procured through magick of a woman’s intellect and body gave men the right to rule. Through these unions, if a child was born, it meant abundance for everyone. But since monotheism has separated the sacred from sexuality and claim rights to women as property, the image of the divine feminine is distorted, feared and rejected. It’s happened for so long that it seems a hopeless fix.
Where there’s a desire to succeed, the way will be presented; however, it would take a lot of effort on the part of everyone. The way to start is within the self. We must take each of these Goddess archetypes and turn them inward. We must question ourselves and relate ourselves to each of these and where our roles lie within the myths in any given situation. Are we Medusa embodying the patriarchal version of her form, denying the mysteries of the feminine for a lack in hope of anything else? Are we Lilith, immediately fleeing when we don’t get our way or assuming we won’t be accepted by others and leave? Are we Mary Magdalene? Speaking up for our intuitions and visions, only to get knocked down because of others’ jealousy and criticism? Or what about our own sense of greed and envy? What do we fear so badly that it prevents us from positively moving forward? What part of ourselves are we rejecting? Evaluations of this kind are pertinent to release the fear we clench in our guts. Coming to terms with our shadowy sides means understanding who the Dark Mother really is.
The Dark Mother represents our worst nightmares, fears, anxieties, worries and phobias. She is a reflection of our hidden desires, an ugly form that represents the other half of who we are. She is that part of ourselves who we dread, capable of committing just as much ill as we can good. True integration of this within ourselves, our psyches and our rationale will guide us to not being scared. Releasing trepidation means there’s nothing to fear, not even death.

[i] Illinois Coalition Against Sexual Assault - http://www.icasa.org/uploads/prostitution.pdf [Accessed: 25 August 2005]

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